As we approach the b o y s bathroom, I grab two freshman at their lockers by the shirts. “You two freshman”? “Yes sir Mr. Dillon” they replied nervously. I chuckled at their response. “You going to the same class” “Yes sir, Mr. Dillon” “How would you like to become an honorary Diamond Dillon Dawg”? “Oh fuck ya—that would be awesome ! What we gotta do”?Easy—just stand there, side by side. The b o y s did as instructed, and raising my right arm, I tap the first on on the left, and then right shoulder. “I dub thee a knight, of the Diamind Dawgs. Do you swear your allegiance forever”? “Yes Sir” the first b o y pipes up. Then, repeating the process, with the second, the same “Yes sir” They were grinning from ear to ear—kinda made me think about my lil bro.“Ok then”. I take off my letter jacket, and tell the second b o y to put it on. Ya there were some exceptions sometimes in spite of what I said earlier. This was temporary—just a few minutes. “Now—that will be your flag, so to speak.. We have already looked into each others souls, and found kindred spirits… understanding… intimacy. Lovers in words. To meet would shatter the connection, destroy the safe, free, secret, intimate place. Total freedom! No inhibitions. Not just passion and sex. Oh, I have been there. I have known great passions, and great sex. But sensual exploration of sexuality, loss of all thought and inhibition, losing CONTROL. Total surrender. How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself. Coolly dealing with the realities of life. How then do I surrender myself? The very thought of doing this awakens something in me that has lain dormant. I WANT IT! To not be bound by anything, to explore and be explored. To discover and be discovered, mind… body… soul… all senses. Oh, the allure! The attraction of just letting go… getting lost in such sweet surrender! The very thought frightens me,.
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