"Listen, you can't lie to me about your age. You know what It's all about. So how about It?" He hadn't planned to sound mean about it, I knew - he was a nicer fellow than that - but he didn't have control of his voice and so it come out sort of nasty-sounding. I noticed, too, that he was trembling all over; he couldn't help it, he wanted It so bad. He hadn't even had a drink of liquor, either, but was cold stone sober. I knew, because I can smell liquor a mile and a half on a fellow's breath. His hand was scrabbling between my legs, so I slid forward on the seat to make him free of his need to touch me there. His breath sucked in as he worked his way through the flour-sack drawers and his finger found the warm place he was seeking after. He put his other arm around my shoulders, holding me close. My cheek rubbed against the clean fabric of white coveralls as I leaned against him, giggling a little because his hand, like a soft little loving animal, was so busy working and. "Ok, well, it's always present in the blood and other fluids. Even with the medication today, which is pretty amazing, and that kills almost all of the virus in the blood, it deposits its RNA – it's building blocks – into healthy red blood cells. Basically, even if you kill everything that is in the blood, your own blood will create new HIV cells that then go and destroy your immune system white blood cells, called T cells, that have a compound in them called CD4. CD4 is what allows the HIV virus to bond with healthy T cells and, basically, destroy them."The fact is that even with a reduced viral load – and mine is pretty undetectable with the medication I take– you are a carrier. It's there, and your fluids, if they are ingested into another body directly, like via a cut or a needle, will result in infection in the other person."I couldn't take that risk. Not with your mother. Just couldn't. I could barely look myself in the mirror anyway, the idea that I had infected someone else.
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