She had started to train at a very early age and by the time she was sixteen she was as accomplished as most of the adult females dancing professionally on the stage in Portland, Oregon.In a stroke of bad luck for Allie, her father died shortly after her sixteenth birthday and she had to help her mother out with finding enough money for the rent and food for the three of them. She had a younger sister who was only ten years old and a healthy eater for her age. There was little likelihood her sister Doreen would be a dancer because she was heavy on her feet which were unusually large for a female. She did try her best to imitate her sister but she just did not have Allie's grace and fluidity of movement. In fact, she had confided in her older sister that she wanted to be a professional wrestler some day and hoped to be able to compete against boys as well because she could beat up most boys her own age already.An opportunity to dance came to Allie a scant two years later when her best. I have used Shofteem asthe title of one of my short stories. It also has significance to me asa transgendered individual containing the phrase: You (are) afflicted(and) drunk without wine.That sums up not only my experience, but also almost all transgenderexperiences. We start out early being ostracized by the other kidsbecause they know we are different. If our brain is female the boysdon't want to hang around a sissy and the girls don't want to be with anicky boy. If we have a male brain and a female body the girls don't wantto be with a pushy boy and the boys see just a girl. Occasionally theremay be a girl who sees the girl in us, or a boy who sees the boy in usand becomes our friend.As time goes by we get verbally and physically abused. This abuse comesfrom "friends," peers, siblings and parents. It may occur from totalstrangers and often goes a far as rape and murder.We question ourselves with "What's wrong with me?", knowing, but stillnot accepting the unthinkable.
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