I altered history. Watch what happens. I descended upon the planet Earth and found things exactly how I knew they should be. Men are once more the masters of the universe. Women have been put in their place. The entire world is ruled by a group of two thousand of the world’s smartest men. The planet Earth has become Paradise. The wickedness of women has been brought to an end. You see, after extensive research, scientists have discovered that women are genetically inferior to men. By average, women’s IQ scores were lower than those of men. Men are smarter than women and also, men are stronger than women. Women compensated for their lack of IQ and strength by creating a sense of false mysticism around themselves. They created a virtual mythology and fed it to men for thousands upon thousands of years. Women had a plan for world domination. It worked perfectly. In the twentieth century, women declared themselves not men’s equals but men’s superiors. They took control of the colleges. Her words are often ambiguous and the true meaning is hard to comprehend. And it doesn’t do any good to ask her what she meant, because she doesn’t know what she just said.It is triply frustrating for me because last week she walked up to me in the grocery store and said, “This Night of All Hallows, before the sun comes up, a true witch from the old country will cast a spell over you and take you as her eternal lover. Every Night of Darkness on the Mountain, she will summon you to her bed so that she may produce children.” She then smiled at me and skipped off as if nothing had happened.Some people would just laugh that off. Even some Irish named O’Rourke might shake their heads and not believe. But I know this child. I know that she is little Bridget of the Fey. And as far as anyone can remember, she has never been wrong in any of her predictions or prophecies. What she said meant only one thing, a witch was after me.Like I said, it doesn’t do any good to ask Bridget for more.
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