. I don’t remember what I chose.2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.4. Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings...”5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.7. There are three stages in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.8. Virginity can be cured.9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.13. Question: What’s an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with. However she had always preferred men to boys. ‘Hello Tom,’ was all she said upon arrival while displaying a face set in a moody scowl. And having eventually thrown herself onto a nearby sun lounger and set the swinging seat moving she seemed resigned to spending a boring hour or two in his company. Because she had done so badly at school Fiona Napier had taken a dead end job as a Dental Receptionist in a nearby town. But as the acknowledged beauty of the village and the surrounding area she led a busy social life which was only marred by her father’s insistence on a ridiculous curfew regime. ‘As long as you live under my roof you obey my rules.’ Was his regular reproach to his only daughter. Tom assumed, correctly as it happened, that Fiona still looked upon him as a callow youth but as he covertly watched the glum face he knew for sure that she had changed. Since his last sight of Fiona she had gone from an admittedly sexy but still developing girl into being a dazzling young woman.
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