We agreed on a price for his services, I would pay him half now and the remainder upon Mary's satisfaction. I told him I would be out of town for the weekend and he could service my wife on Saturday night. I made the ground rules clear. There would be no v******e or forced sex. He was to follow her instructions and stop will mean to stop. He gently smiled. “I’m a good lover, I do love women. I will treat yours with kindness and respect, the way I treat all women.” I looked at him closely and felt comfortable with his answers. I knew he and Mary had been dancing together at the club long enough for Mary to conclude that this young man was not violent or mean. I felt comfortable. I waited for a few days and, after Mary had a drink in her, I told her about what I had done and what I wanted to do. She agreed and laughingly we went directly to the bedroom and moved the bed around to its new position. I cleared space enough in the closet to accommodate a small chair. Mary posed naked on. I suppose I don't want to take the risk in case someone comes round and needs to use my computer; not that I get many visitors. My self-confidence has been shot by being gay. I feel ugly inside and out. I don't know how to portray myself in public any more, so certainly have no idea how to go about meeting guys. I've no-one to talk to for advice. None of my family know the truth, or any of my friends. I feel alone and confused. Whenever my mum asks me if I've got a girlfriend yet, or any one else does for that matter, I make some lame excuse. I feel like I'm climbing more and more into the closet. I've been brought up not to lie, but I certainly don't want to be caught in a trap by saying I have a girlfriend and then messing up. I'm building up to telling people; I just don't know how to. I've been online for coming-out advice and there is plenty out there. There's a lot more gay people out there than I expected; apparently around one in ten blokes. That makes me feel less of a.
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