My friends told me that girls like them big, which was completely out of the equation as I hovered around the six inch mark, and yes, I measured. I needed help and quickly, I needed to learn some moves and get a little bit of flair behind me if I were to have any shot of having love with this girl. If I could only fuck her for twenty seconds then she’d be disappointed and I’d be the laughing stock of the entire class of 1998. Every reunion I’d be reminded of being the two pump chump champion and I’d never live it down.The day before the prom, I was extremely nervous about it. I knew what little reputation that I had would be gone immediately if I couldn’t impress this girl. She’d tell her friends, then her friends would tell their friends and on and on until everybody in the whole county knew. Every single one of my classes whizzed by in a flash, making it feel as if life was setting me up for the obvious blunder that was going to happen the following night.Crowds of kids ran towards. My mother was one of then many who loved to recite the trite, "You can do anything you put your mind to," and I was impressionable as a child. With her voice in my ear, colored slightly mocking and sing-song by my experiences, I put my mind to catching a thief. T'was not difficult. The man on the board looked like no one I knew in our small town, and there were few places a traveller might stop before venturing on, as they did. I visited these places: the tavern, the merchants' row, the pawn broker's stall, and spoke loudly to my peers of my pearls, my silk skirts, my grandmother's silver, and I left my window unlatched by night. He did not come the night of the first day, nor the second. I despaired, I admit. A woman has needs, and mine have built steadily. I worried that I would be left to satisfy myself for the rest of my lonesome life, gasping in the dark on my own fingers. Most called my hands graceful, and usually I agreed, but in the dark their slenderness was hateful. But I.
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