The truth was that I was ashamed of my body. I wasn’t exactly fat, but two babies had left my stomach soft and puffed out. My breasts were still okay because I never breastfed a baby, but they were beginning to soften and sag as well. I was too tired to shave my legs and armpits regularly. My hair hadn’t been professionally done in a year. I couldn’t see how Hayden could possibly find me desirable. It was easier to push him away.“I had an affair, Marilyn.”I lay there suddenly awake but unmoving. My husband? The only man I’d ever kissed? The father of my children? Rutting with some faceless bimbo when I thought he was working?I couldn’t breathe.I wanted to sob and scream and run and hide. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I gasped for air.“I ended it, Marilyn. I never thought it could ever happen to me—to us. I swear it’s over. But we’ve been so ... far apart. I never should have quit the farm and gone to the factory. I’m ... I’m so sorry.”“Sorry!” I exploded. “We took wedding vows!. "Chrissie came up sputtering, and the man looked at her and licked his lips. I could not blame him. If Chrissie, indeed, enjoyed rogering, I suspected she was going to get her fill. I surrendered my purse, and the man took my musket. While he stood near the horses' heads, his friends pulled all the cases out of the wagon, broke them open, scattered the girl's clothes in all directions, and whooped when they found her small jewelry case and a purse heavy with gold coins.My mind raced with thoughts of protecting the young woman from being ravished by the gang of cutthroats. I wondered if she could jam a cartridge of black powder up her slit and then I thought of my tobacco. "Turn toward me," I said to her, "like you're afraid, crying." I am afraid," she sniffed, looking into my eyes as I put my arm about her. "Vat are you doink?"I slid my hand under her wide skirt, snaked the back of my paw up her soft thigh, found her tight-clamped cunny, hissed, "Spread your knees some," and wedged my.
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