We watch with mirrors when he stands at the back of assembly and take bets on how many times he does it before the bell. Geez dude, go buy some comfy shorts. There’s no shortage of giggling and after-hours dreaming in the dorm about what he might be packing and without fail it always ends with a wild rendition of a Led Zepplin’s “Hangman”: a dozen teenage girls in nighties with air-guitars and hairbrush microphones, screaming like Robert Plant “Swingin’ on the Gallows Pole, Swingin’ on the Gallows Pole” and collapsing in gales of laughter. Sometimes I go back to my bed with Silver (after Long John, not the colour), an 18” double-ended dildo, still singing “Hangman” to myself and thinking about him. “Shut the door, Belinda, shut the door.” The two heads shared an office and he was bent over Mrs Bingham’s desk searching for the counter-part of my yellow note that would tell him what he had so rashly volunteered to deal with. He found it, held it up and started reading to himself. He. Then, suddenly, the door to the room flung open. Startled, Tim looked upfrom the magazine, his heart skipping a beat as he did so. A mild panicset in as he realised he was no longer alone in the room. He felt his faceimmediately begin to blush."Tim?! Is that you? Oh my God!!" came an overly enthusiastic voice fromthe woman in the doorway."Mum... you're... home early..." Tim replied, quietly, struggling to gethis words out. He wasn't sure where to look or what to do."Why on earth are you dressed as a woman, Tim? Is that my dress? It IS mydress! Oh God!" She shut the door behind her and walked a little closer toTim. She was exquisitely dressed too, wearing a long dark green designercoat, with black skirt and leather heeled boots peeping out from beneath.She was wearing a red silk scarf and carried a Chanel handbag on the crookof one arm."I, err..." Tim had no reply."Stand up so I can see you properly...." she instructed sternly.Tim stood up, closing the magazine and putting it to one.
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