This time though, I hold my leg against the chair, hoping he cant get a good hold with the grinder, but hes stronger than I am and pulls my leg right into the device as I scream and kick around with my right legs stump. Then he gets up, and places a big bowl of chopped meat on my lap. For a brief moment, it doesnt even register. I dont want to know that this is me. But it is. He unstraps my right hand and grinds up each finger, passing the bones through a hole in the center, followed by the hand, all over the bowl as I watch in horror and scream. He bandages it and repeats for my left hand. Leaving my neck strapped in, he takes the bowl and walks out of the room, leaving the bones on the floor. I fight to try to unhook myself with my stumps, but its no use. The straps are like belt buckles, and require fingers to open. A few minutes later, he comes back with a collar and leash. I try to bite his hand as he hooks the collar around my neck and unstraps me from the chair, but without. I tried to wash it all away but it's not possible. I washed for probably a half hour. I went to the bed and pulled the dirty sheets off the bed, locked the door and then cried myself to sleep. I got up the next morning and went home. Mom and dad were really pissed at me for not calling. I told them I spent the night with Peg and they told me they called Peg's and I wasn't there. Even though I was then out of school I was grounded. I had a job over at K-Mart and they drove me to work and then picked me up and drove me home. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere."I continued, "I missed my next two periods and was scared to death. I had to tell mom and dad. They sent me to the doctor and he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. They ask me who the father was and when I told them the truth they didn't believe me, I guess because I didn't tell them the truth in the beginning. It's hard to believe someone after they have lied to you. I guess that's why I need to tell you everything. No secrets.
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