“You’re such an idiot,” I screamed, jumping off the bed and racing to the bathroom, the gooey concoction leaking down my legs. Slamming the bathroom door and turning on the hot water, I grabbed a towel and, positioning myself over the toilet, contracted my vaginal walls to get out as much cream as possible. I covered myself with the towel until I felt warm again. When I removed it, I heard the first mutters.“Muthafuckingcuntwad! What the actual fuck was that? Of all the odd things I’ve had to endure, that one was by far the worst. I’m so cold and sticky now. How could you do this to me?”Those were the first words I heard from my pussy, also known as ‘The Lady of the House’. She was fuming, absolutely mad. I tried to calm her down, shocked that I was having a conversation with my own body part. Clearly, though, she was going to require a lot of coaxing. “I will make this up to you. I’m sorry. I was just trying to take care of… things. I didn’t know he was going to get whipped cream and. ” “Tonight?” I asked in a yelling voice. Kent said, “Yeah, tonight.” “GRRRRR, I can’t tonight, I have too much to do. I’m not doing it tonight,” I said. Later that night as we were driving to the bowling alley. Jeanine couldn’t stop talking about Matt. My thoughts were if you have to build him up this much to me, then you date him. Finally, I told her, “I’m here in this car, I don’t want to meet this guy, so please, just be quiet.” Jeanine faced the window with that pouty mouth she always used on Kent to get her way. “That’s not going to work with me. It may work on Kent, but not me,” I managed to stammer out. Jeanine and I are best friends and she knew how to get to me. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll be nice to him,” I said. “Now stop talking about Matt.” We both laughed.To be honest, I think I was more excited than I wanted them to know. The truth was I hadn’t had a date in over a year because I threw myself into my classes after the move in with the ex-boyfriend. I wanted to finish.
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