." Abi whittered. I hummed and she looked across at me. "Are you OK?" she asked and I nodded and held her tight."Oh shhhh–. It was your first time, wasn't it?" I nodded again, the power of speech temporarily not with me. "I'm so sorry, Andy. I'm so selfish ... if I had thought, I'd have made it special." It was special," I muttered. "It was amazing. I've never felt anything like it. And I am glad it was with you."Abi pressed herself into me a bit further and we kissed but she was tense and I felt guilty. What had I done wrong?Abi and I had a shower each before going downstairs. The musty, unmistakable sound of dried sex was in my room and I opened the window to clear it. We heard a few shouts and I suspected that Rhea was being admonished for her transgressions earlier in the week.Abi had brought a dressing gown from home, and with just dressing gowns on, we went down to the kitchen to make breakfast; I kept thinking about the night previous and barely stopped smiling. It was an. I had never had a relationship, and I wasn't even sure whether I had really ever been on a date. I had gone out with girls I liked, asked them out with the intention of it being a date, but I suppose I had always come across so utterly non-threatening that they could just have easily interpreted the invitations as being non-romantic in nature. In any event, I had never actually made a move on any of them. Even at parties, even loaded with alcohol, I could never muster up the courage to slip an arm around a girl's shoulders or to take advantage of the myriad of opportunities which seem to present themselves at parties to everybody else. I had never kissed a girl except family or friends on special occasions. I had never had sex. I was so desperate that I often fantasised about going to a prostitute - I was making good money - but ultimately I was always too scared to actually go through with it. I felt so desperately alone, like a human island, but no matter how much I wanted to, I.
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