Maybe I've been selfish.I could hear the doubt in Jackie's words, and though I wanted to release her from that doubt, the truth was she had been the one to tempt me, to lead me to the places she hoped we'd go. I don't mean to blame her, not really, but the more I realized what she'd said and showed me when I was fourteen, and how she had come to me more recently, encouraging me to know my children in intimate ways, I felt, in some ways, like Jackie's hand, and her desires, had guided me into incest each time.I see it so clearly now, like that time a couple of weeks after the lake, the first time I suggested we be together again."I don't know, Jackie," I said, my feet pulled up to my butt as I sat on my bed against the headboard, keeping my nightshirt low over my ankles, "it's just ... weird, you know?"My sister gave me a warm smile and rested her hand just inches from my exposed toes. "I know ... but you liked it, right?" Yeah..." I replied quietly in an even tone. "But ... we're. She swallowed it all!She came back up to my lips, and we kissed; now there was a flavor to it, but it wasn't really all that bad. Our kissing got me hard again, and she grabbed me and said, "Do you want to fuck me, little brother?"I got out of her bed and went back to my room, this time falling asleep.The next morning we got up, showered and dressed and went off to school. Chrissy wouldn't hold my hand today—she was upset with me. I didn't know what to say, so I sat down and just started thinking."Hey," I heard, looking up and seeing John Draggers. "What's up?" Oh, I got girl trouble," I said."Talk to me and tell me Chris. Everything you're going through I have already—what is it ... Sex?" he guessed."Yeah, I was in her bed last night, and she'd given me a blow job, and I came in her mouth. Then she asked me—if I wanted to fuck her or not?" I said."Do you?" Probably, but our bedrooms don't have locks on them, and our parents constantly come in unannounced. I couldn't risk it, John—I.
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