He poured two straight Bourbons and handed her one. She took a sip and tried not to react to having her breath taken away by the 90 proof liquor."I thought we might get a bite in the hotel dining room if that's OK with you," he suggested."Of course."The hotel restaurant was quite nice and the meal delicious. Vickie was quiet at first, prompting Tony to ask if everything was OK. She reminded herself she was here to provide him with a good time, so she relaxed and found Tony to actually be a lot of fun. He was funny, telling her jokes and funny stories about himself and Vickie found herself actually coming to like the man who would shortly be screwing her. They finished the meal and shared a bottle of fruity California vintage before taking a walk through Central Park and then returning to Tony's room.Vickie excused herself and went into the bathroom, where she kept telling herself she must go through with this. She and Andrea had found a small, but expensive apartment and Andrea had. Past that, the chemical addiction is gone but to stay smoke freemeans you need to stay strong against the mental urges. It's been a fewyears since I quit and I rarely think about it anymore but I admit I havethought about it a few times as I wrote this story about the depths of myobsession. So far I've been able to withstand it.Now that I'm older I'm at peace with how things have turned out. At onepoint, I considered hormones and an operation but it would have beencareer suicide to live full time as a woman. No one knows about my issueand I realize I have chosen a lonely road. If I were given a chance togo back in time, I'd probably goto my 12 year old self and start hormonereplacement therapy. I'd have the surgery, change my name, andcompletely break with the past. I like to think that in an alternateuniverse there is a woman living happily in my place. It brings a smileto my face but I cannot change now.It always bugs me when religious people make the comment that being.
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