I have asked my manservant to send for her and he assures me that I will see her soon. I only pray I will survive till then.February 19, 1894Its serrated claws, still blood-stained with my blood from the night before, the hellish demon that has become my own private torturer returned once again to inflict pain upon and scream at me with its demonic voice.In this visitation, the spawn of Satan pinned me helpless as it raked my arms with until I cried in agony as my own blood flowed forth upon the floor.Content not with my loosing conciseness, the beast from perdition pulled me away from the peaceful darkness of sleep with the vile emanations from its mouth so that it may afflict itself upon a little longer.Where is my beautiful Victoria? Has she too forsaken me?Only the waking dreams of her tender touch gives me the strength to endure this horror.Oh, god why has this terror been visited upon me?Once again I have begged my manservant to send for her; but, I fear my pleas have fallen. He was surprised by the size of the turnout, but she had been a very popular woman. He renewed friendships with cousins he hadn’t seen in twenty years. The most moving part of the service was when he got up and sang ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’, looking at her coffin the whole time. Any eyes that were dry quickly watered.Things settled down for awhile, and wedding plans were completed. We invited very few people. I flew my grandmother in, and she was very taken by Jen and Lindsey, and Jen’s large family. It seemed she was lonely, forced to live in a facility because of bad investments. They had taken her house and auctioned it off, using the money to defray costs, and soon it was going to run out. None of the rest of the family were inclined to help her. She never told me any of this, not, as she said, wanting to burden me with her problems.She tearfully confessed this to the girls and Jen’s mom one night, and the women of my family, her Mom included, were on me with a vengeance the next.
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