" I said."I look like I've been used."I shrugged. "Same thing, right?" Oh!" She huffed then pulled out a note pad and scribbled out a quick late note. "Go to class. And in the future, red means stop, you know that, right?" Huh?" Then I got it — her safeword. "Right. Red." I thought about it all of two seconds. "I'm allergic to peanut butter so it's easy for me to remember mine. Peanut Butter." She smiled. I smiled. "Monday?" Monday, 10am sharp." Yes, ma'am."Beth — Second PeriodKhalid and I arrived at Chemistry at about the same time — which was just after the second bell. Ms. Hanes was waiting at the front of the room. "Khalid, my dear boy, let's not keep the class waiting." No ma'am!" He dropped his books by the door and practically ran to sit in her lap. I was halfway to our workstation when she called me back."Oh yes, Beth, you should take relieve too." I don't need..." Nonsense. Besides, you are on the List." What list?" someone asked."The list of students who might not complete. He bites and soothes and groans. His hands never stray; he doesn’t touch anywhere inappropriate. Still, the hunger he feels is evident in every tongue stroke, in every deep sound from his throat.I forget I’m me, I forget about my past, I forget that I vowed I’d never be a “funny girl” to anyone ever again. I forget that I could get hurt, that this isn’t what I want, that I’m terrified of him.I just forget.But the next morning I remember.I glance at my reflection when I wash my hands and see my swollen lips and everything I tried to suppress comes back like a rubber band. And it stings. I’m the woman who had to move to a huge city because she desperately wanted to be swallowed up. I’m the girl who ran away from her boyfriend who thought it was fun to use her as his stress relief. I’m the idiot who bailed exes out of jail, who ignored the depletion of her bank account, who always turned into a fool for love. I can’t do it again. I won’t.There’s a knock at my door and now I just feel.
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