It was a casual thing, though mystical and on levels of strangeness I could never explain. But I always found great comfort it in. I would sometimes see ‘her’ in my thoughts when I’m crying. I never knew her name, or in a way I did know her name but it was more of a feeling then a word. I’d be wrapped up in myself on the bed, not caring about anything or anyone, mad at the world.. consumed with so much anger and hurt. Then I would open my eyes and she’d be there laying next to me… stroking my hair as she watches me. I could see the concern on her face, and the warmth of her caring would stir inside of me. I’d feel embarrassed about impure thoughts, but she wants me to explore them. She understand everything about the human sexual appetite and wants to feed everything that I crave. I reach out and touch her tummy, then waist and she coos like a bird, closing her eyes with a smile. Putting her hand over the flesh covering my human heart. I pull her closer, my lips kissing up and down. ‘I told you – leave Kate out of this. She has nothing to do with our marriage.’ ‘She has an amazing resemblance to the dear departed Louise as well. Wouldn’t you agree?’ Never had I felt more hostility for my wife than I did now. She knew just where to attack me and took delight in causing me anger and hurt. She had known all along about Louise and my feelings for her, the devastation I felt when she died. I realized my wife was a cruel, hard woman who hadn’t an ounce of sympathy in her. We ordered our meal but for once, the standard of cooking was wasted on me. Jessica ate her meal with relish, taking delight in the fact that my appetite had gone. All attempts to talk reasonably were met with sarcastic comments and I gave up, letting Jessica talk unremittingly about the life she had led with me and my control of our marriage. With the arrival of coffee, I sat back in my chair and gazed at my wife. ‘Ok, Jessica, this was obviously a mistake. Just do what you have to do and start the.
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