I guess I got lost.” For a moment she was afraid she done something wrong. Maybe it had been a test of her concentration, and she’d failed. Andrew smiled widely, and she relaxed. “Good,” he said, “I was hoping you’d say that.” He stood up from the couch and walked back to the desk and sat down. “If you want to perform well on camera, it isn’t enough to just enjoy sex,” he continued, “you have to let go. You have to be able to get lost in the moment. You shouldn’t be acting at all. You should be doing it. That’s what I just saw from you.” Kaylee smiled, satisfied with herself. “I’ve got a job for you, but I have to know right away if you can take it. It pays five thousand dollars, but you’ll have to work on our schedule.” Tara had told her that casting directors usually hook girls by saying that jobs paid between one thousand and five thousand dollars a day, but realistically it was more like eight hundred to a thousand starting out and closer to two or three thousand when you. How did she know I craved this type of submission? Why had she chosen me? These and many other questions spun in my head like a hamster on its wheel, as I finished up work and headed home. Home, where I lived with my boyfriend, with the man I assumed that I would one day marry. Dave was a great man who was compassionate, caring, considerate and undeniably loyal. He was a man who loved me unconditionally. Would he still love me if he knew what I had just allowed a large, black woman to do to me? Would he love me if he knew how badly I craved this sort of submission? Would he stay with me if he learned that I had gone to this woman's house and done God knows what? As these and many other questions ping-ponged in my brain, I realized I had already made up my mind. I had to go to Rosie's house, if I didn't I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life; I had to know. If I didn't go and I married Dave, I would always wonder 'what if'. That wasn't fair to Dave and that wasn't fair to.
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