I will be given an order. I will fail. I will be disciplined. It is, in microcosm, the old religious formula first articulated in Eden. And it is, in slightly altered form, the algebra of human life. We are born under the order to survive indefinitely. We ultimately fail through age and disease. We die. In each session, one might say that I experience, from birth to death, the drama of an entire life. It is the cruelty of life, of the tragic and doomed conditions of our life, of our planet's life, of all life, that I am eroticizing in this theater of the psyche. The universe is a cruel taskmaster. No—it is not merely cruel. Cruelty is a human value. The cosmos is cold. It is the utter lack of warmth, of caring or concern, that perversely turns me on. Some masochists enjoy the stimulation of physical pain; for me, the pain I crave is psychological. It is the pain one experiences when one's human warmth fails to melt the cold implacability of the cosmos, as personified by an inhuman. ”She smiled. “Call it my mitzvah. For today, anyway.”“Beck’s rubbing off on you,” I said.“Yes, my Jewish sister – the older one. You’re the middle one. I’m the young one.”“A sub-set of the sisters around here,” I said.She smiled. “Yeah, they’re like that, aren’t they?”“They all bring something,” I spoke.“So do you.”“I don’t know what I bring. I’m just restarting my college thing. I don’t have skills. I don’t have a mate. I hardly contribute...”“You’re our first mandolinist,” she said. “That’s a start. You brought Derek. He upset the stability of the Munchkins. Keeps ‘em from getting complacent. You’re here, and Tara, seriously, you’ve just begun. This is where you’re meant to be.” She smiled at ME. “Really. It’s strange for any definition of ‘strange’ you can imagine, but you showed up. That’s no accident. And we’re all about family. You’re part of it. You never have to cry alone, Tara. I can’t replace. Nobody could replace Mom in my life and I don’t purport to replace your mom and.
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