I startedscreaming, I tried to run, I wanted to get away from mynightmare, I wanted to wake up I wanted to be me again. Itried to rip off my cute little costume I wanted nothingmore to do with this game my wife and sisters were playingat my expense. I wanted my father to stop chastising me forsomething was not my fault. I wanted to run, run fast andnot look back. I don't know where I would have run. (notthat I could have in those shoes anyway) I don't know whatI would have done. All I could think of at that moment wasto get free! If that had meant I had to hurt myself to getout of my clothes and chastity I would have done it. Thefeelings that were generated inside me while gettingdressed early that morning, feelings of contentment andfulfillment feelings so deep inside that I could neverdescribe them, should have made me realize that I reallydid want (need) to dress that way. I should have been ableto accept those feelings as something good, but my father'sconditioning was so deep. I suppose it may be a 'girl thing' but anyway... to be honest, you have some power over me... "I interrupted, "I have power over YOU? Come ON Jean. You're the one with the power. You should see me right now. I'm almost twitching!" Good," she laughed. "But it's true. Feel however you want, when you turn on the current, I'm a goner, so this is the only way I feel safe relating to you. Sexually, I mean." Phone sex? Jean, you mean we live in the same house, right next to each other and we're... we're reduced to phone sex?" Pretty kinky, huh? I thought you'd like it. It is all right, isn't it, Billy?" Jean, if it were the only way I could talk with you, I'd get off on your smoke signals! Actually, it is kinky and you're right, it appeals to me. Safe, isn't it?" That's it! That's the point of it, brother mine. Because I've been afraid of you and more, afraid of myself, I've been inhibited, even withdrawn around you. I've been afraid to tell you what I'm feeling and particularly afraid of.
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