.."There was a sudden wave of something flooding through my head... theworld became vague... then it was normal again. For a moment I wasgoing to say it hadn't worked when... I remembered.I was lost, alone, in this black female form. Suffering attacks bypeople men and women. Alone... always alone. Till he came. When all Iwanted to do was die, he came and took me, told me of life. He took me,gently... shattered broken... slowly he began to heal me. Taking me armin arm, he finally got me to walk among people again. With him I beganto like my body again. I trained and worked at it. And in that time, myheart slowly melted. He urged me to break loose from him but... it feltso wrong. I called myself Carmel; I enjoyed doing things for him, anddoing stuff. I wanted him to be proud of me. I knew I was winning him.That I wanted to be his lover... I soon realized. As he urged me toembrace the culture my new body bound me to...and I did. I began tryingto get closer to him. I did. One wonderful. If only I had known, Madison wasn’t quite the angel she appeared to be. Yet, there are days when good fortune smiles down upon each of us and on Tuesday before winter break, the gods of opportunity struck. We were standing in the cafeteria line side by side and hardly anyone was there. Most of the students had already left for the winter break. She smiled. I smiled back. She said, ‘Hi, how ya doin’ Carl?’ ‘Good, and you?’ ‘Did I ever tell you my dad’s name is Carl? He’s in Afghanistan . I’m lookin’ forward to break but since he won’t be home, there’s no reason to go home. Where are you going over break?’ ‘I don’t know,’ I lied. I was headed home to Keokuk , Iowa to visit my folks. ‘What are you gonna do since you aren’t goin’ home?’ I asked. Silly question but I never was very good at small talk. ‘A bunch of us girls are going to the Big Easy for sex and relaxation. Oh fuck … what a Freudian slip that was! I meant, rest and relaxation.’ ‘Sounds good. Has New Orleans recovered from.
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