" Mark gave his sister a hug. He could tell that she had had a bad day. "How about some hot chocolate?" he asked. Sophie's face lit up. "Ooh yes please!" she squealed with delight. As Mark made the hot chocolate in the kitchen, Sophie called into him from the other room. "What are you getting up to tonight?" she asked hopefully. "Maria is coming around." Mark called back to her. Sophie's face fell. She didn't like Maria at all. Mark and her had started going out three months ago and she came to the house every other Saturday. Their parents loved Maria and complimented on how polite she was, but she treated Sophie like a little girl, teasing her and demeaning her. Nobody else seemed to notice though and when she hinted at it to Mark, he teased her about being jealous of not getting his attention. Mark walked in, carrying the mug carefully. "Careful, don't burn yourself." he said. Sophie forced a smile. "Of course I will be." she replied.That night, Sophie sat in her bedroom reading.. Do we understand each other?" Absolutely, Miss." Fine. Let's go then to the plot's coherence..."She shredded my story. There were lots of holes in the plot, things that didn't make sense, mistakes in dates, causes propagating back in time against all logic ... it was awful. In a way it had been easier to see the low-level spelling and grammar corrections filling the pages with red ink than to hear her destroy the whole thing. I could tell myself I just didn't have a good eye for detail, but my stories were creative and worth telling. She was right, though: it would take a lot of work to salvage such a thing."Now, I have an objection to the way you deal with Adam's change. He's a successful, if small-time, business owner. He's single, independent, arrogant and stubborn. You told your readers that much, and you've shown it quite clearly at the start of the story. So why does he suddenly, forgive the expression, fall at Rose's feet like a lovestruck teenager?"Because that's what I wish.
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