The lure of the coffee pulled her again, and she soon had a cup in hand when she returned to the room.The pettiness of how she'd reacted steadily burned through her anger as she sipped, listening to the wreath play its brief, slightly tinny-sounding carols. Only married for a little over a year, this was their first real fight since exchanging vows. They had battled a time or two while dating, but this was different - more dangerous.She had already broken her own rule about never going to bed angry. Brian had tried to talk to her when he came to bed, but she'd completely ignored him, and could almost feel him wincing at the lack of response. The air had felt heavy with tension right up until she drifted off into a fitful sleep. He might have made the mistake, but he was also the only one who had tried to air out the problem the way they'd promised."I'm such a bitch," she whispered to the empty room, and then put down her coffee. Fortunately, her cell was still sitting on the end. She recounted their twenty years together in a brief moment as happy and content. His indiscretions were few and had hurt her. Though her initial reaction was pain and uncontrollable anger she had eventually been able to accept them and him with compassion and understanding. He was a borderline sex addict, so said their marriage counselor. She had known that when they were initially married. At the time it was exciting, as he brought out a passion from within her that she hadn’t known existed. But, with the years it had gradually worn her down, she felt she could never do enough to satisfy him. And, giving in to him on "favor" he wanted, always led to another "bigger favor", even further outside her comfort zone. She had come to believe at times there was no way of winning with him, better to say "no" before things got out of hand. The therapist said that he used her as his moral gauge; if she would do it, it must be okay. It left him free to construct fantasies and then try to get.
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