I can't say it's an ideal situation. That'sno reflection on them, you understand. They couldn't do any more for her." It hasn't really sunk in yet," I confess. "That I'm pregnant, I mean." It won't, not for a day or two." I don't know the first thing about child care." I'd just turned eighteen when I found out I was expecting. What d'youthink I knew?" You knew how to be female." So do you. Put your hand on your heart and tell me you're having as muchtrouble as last time." She smooths the front of her skirt. "I'll let youinto a secret. The reason I kept quiet about Charlotte was because Irejected her. I didn't try to expose her on Biggin Hill or send herfloating down the Thames in a basket of reeds but I may as well have donefor all the affection I showed her. It wasn't far short of outrightneglect. I only agreed to fight for custody of her when mum and dad saidthey'd give her a home. You can never repair that sort of damage, you know.I'm not talking about the kids, they're much more. ?She smiled smugly. ?Good. Now get out on that shop floor and get towork. What are you doing wasting my time in here??I got up and hurried out, feeling awful.Every attempt I?d made to stand up to the people in Pam?s life had gotme nowhere. I was useless. I couldn?t stand up to anybody. Maybe when Iwas still Rose I could have but I just didn?t have those skills anymore.She was so much better than I was. I was pathetic.I deserved getting stuck in her life for an extra day, the mess up I?dmade of trying to improve things. I don?t know why I kept nagging at herto swap back. She?d swap when she was good and ready.Nevertheless, while I stacked shelves all morning I couldn?t stopagonising over when our trade would happen. The change just felt socomplete. I?d lost all my self-confidence. I couldn?t remember what itwas like to feel like that anymore. I knew I was taking on more and moreof the real? the original Pam?s memories and forgetting the Rose ones.Already the Rose memories I did retain.
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