She would pretend to notice me at the last moment. Except she didn’t. She passed by me, without even a word or a glance. Just when I thought I had started to understand her, she turned me all upside down again.She must have enjoyed seeing my longing for her. It had to be such a rush to casually ignore me, knowing that I would only want her more, and wonder what I’d done wrong or how I’d fallen short. I couldn’t help it, either. Whenever she did that to me, I felt small and unworthy. I couldn’t easily work my own mind out, but I had to admit there was something inside me which responded to that sense of inferiority and insufficiency. I liked the way my desires pulled against each other, tearing me apart between my yearning for her, wanting to beg for her attention, and my need for dignity and respect. The tension left me so confused. The conflict inside me made choosing much harder, opening me up even further to her influence, and taking me into a more receptive, susceptible state. If. ’ He smiled, and she blushed even more knowing he had a good idea of what she meant. ‘I better not.’ She giggled nervously, feeling very unsure of her own feelings for Robert and what might happen.’ Maybe you should just take me home. ‘ ‘Well, if that’s really what you want.’ Robert said, disappointed. ‘I never want to go home really.’ She said immediately without thinking and she saw the expression on Robert’s face.’ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that how it came out. Just forget I said that. I have things I need to get done at home.’ She looked away from him. She could feel his eyes still looking at her, and she swore to herself for possibly making him mad. Shortly they were pulling into her driveway. They had been silent on the drive back and she felt bad that she had caused this by her outburst. ‘Thanks for all your help this morning and for breakfast. You don’t have to come in.’ She said getting out of the car. ‘I thought I would come in and make sure the plumber did his job.’.
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