Despite this, I went on playing with the girls. Hopskotch, wall flowers (a singing game with very girly dance movements). But the bullying increased in intensity and I saw the only way out as trying to conform to male gender conditioning. At grammar school, with no girls to play with, I decided to butch up. The bullying stopped. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings. Best of all was her wedding dress...I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years. I was quite innocent about all this until I reached an age where I began to wonder what was happening to me. I started to read the dictionary definitions. As a result I ran. Too frightened to acknowledge the truth. Her mind fighting what her body wants, craves, needs. The dance in significance of that war within her. Shouting out with anger aimed not at him but at herself ?NO!? the shout echoing throughout the room. She fights with herself with renewed energy she cries out feeling the desire, the need so great to submit to him.The music changing as her body begins to win the struggle her body responding to the change of her music, her motions becoming softer and pleasing more arousing. The need stronger, coming from the depths of her soul. Her movements capturing his attention, noticing the change in movement her actions not so wild and disobedient, he whispers to her as only he can, his encouragement and patience invade her thoughts, her mind a multitude of emotions washing over her, Her body moving around placing her feet softly in time to her own music on the floor, her head twisting looking coyly over her shoulder her blue green eyes full of.
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