That evening, the committee divided the ransom money according to custom, and the Isebrands added almost one thousand Ducats to their coffers. With the first rays of the sun, the Free Saxons abandoned the Palacio Granvella and marched towards the northern gates in good order. Nobody dared challenge them as they left with their rich loot.They marched in north-eastern direction for a few days, crossing the Apennine Mountains, and after a week they stopped for a few days' rest at a small river called Fiumicino. None of them knew that this was the famous River Rubicon of Julius Caesar's fame, and if they had known, they would not have cared. After two days, they headed in northern direction and made good progress for two weeks before they reached Casale.The good citizens of the town were wary of them. News about the atrocities committed in Rome had already spread. It was good that they had brought a number of the women along who would tell the people that the Free Saxons had shown. This was really what I so desperately desired. It helped a great deal because I sorted out some important points, almost immediately. The most important point was that of something called purging, i.e. throwing all my clothes out and saying to myself that I was wrong to be doing this and that I would never go back. But after a few months, I would feel the desire and need to dress again. So would start again, feeling so sad that I had lost so many lovely things. I found out that this was also a normal thing for crossdressers. Every time I had purged I regretted it. Some very kind and understanding girls helped me deal with it and told me that if that was my mindset that I should just put everything in a case and stick it in the loft or garage or somewhere out of site. When the desire came back I could just pick up where I left off, without having to go back out and buy a load of new stuff.They also made me realise that this was a part of me that was never going to go away so I should.
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