“No, no, you just got way, way ahead of yourself. It must have been intense, right?”“Yeah, head over heels.”“There’s plenty of time. You’ll get another chance – fish in the sea and all that,” I tried to reassure Jessie.“But what if there’s not? What if I’ve truly blown it?” she said, the tears returning.“Is that actually a fear of yours? That you’ll never actually find love?”“Isn’t it anyone’s?”“Well, I do fear dying an unqualified virgin, so you have half a point there.”“Did you do Adrian Mole for Year 8 English? I loved that book.”I knew that the school library had a class set of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 , and knew that Jessie’s class had read it. “Nah, we read Voices in the Washhouse. But I’ve read all of the Adrian Mole books.”“So, you fear dying an unqualified virgin. Well, the way you’re going the unqualified bit should be sorted this time next year. As for the latter, well…” Jessie quizzed me, “you don’t have anyone right now, do you?”“Er, no. But I’m patient. For the first time in my whole life I heard what JJ had to say and it was fun. I laughed and clapped Jilly's hands in mine when he told me about how they were doing math and he'd been the only one who knew the right answers. I told him he was smart and I felt so proud of him. He smiled too. God! He was glowing and happy and I'd spent so much time focused on him that JJ didn't even ask where our mom was, like he'd forgotten all about her. Like I was his mom.I helped Jack Junior with his homework after he ate, me and Jilly both. She sat in my lap and we traced maps with our fingers while JJ tried to find Brazil in his atlas. It was so totally cool and I wondered how Mom ever got tired of this. She must have been really crazy if she left all this for some other guy, some druggie asshole who probably just wanted to fuck her all the time. She should have taken one of those pills, that's what I was thinking. If Mom had taken a pill, just one, she'd still be here. I knew for sure Mom wasn't.
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