I had no desire to live with any of my offspring and they didn't really want me any way. I have to admit that as I got older, I got more ornery. Most of the time I was Okay, but I developed a short temper and a lack of tolerance for people who acted like assholes. Hell, why not? I spent my whole life being nice to people I didn't like, just so I could be socially acceptable. It didn't matter any more.After an agreement was finally reached between my children and me, I started to get ready. The hardest thing to do was to get rid of my stuff. You would be amazed at all the junk a person can collect over a lifetime, especially if they spent most of it in the same house.I was a little disappointed that I couldn't pawn more of it off on the kids. My son, Robert, the lawyer, took my Snap-On Tools and my daughter, Marcie, the doctor, agreed to take her mother's china. She was going to hold it for her daughter. Darcy, the teacher and the oldest of the group, took the grandfathers clock that. I wasn't either, but my shirt was ruined from all of the holes punched in it by the buckshot. My ring's protection extended to buckshot, apparently, because I was not even bruised by the pellets that hit me. A few hung in my shirt and there were more on the ground around me. I had been shot with #00 buckshot by somebody who knew what he was doing. Without my ring, I would be dead, or, at least, in the hospital for a very long time.Sally was practically a basket case of tears and nervous shakes. I had to carry her inside. The whole family traipsed up to the bedroom behind me where I lay Sally on the bed. The damage to my shirt was obvious, and there was no way I was going to wiggle out of telling the truth about what happened.Dad opened the show by saying, "I have known for some time that you have had an especially active guardian angel, but this looks to be more than that. Come on and give us an explanation, and don't try to fast talk your way out of a complete story." Okay, Dad, you.
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