I knew I’d have about a minute before they’d head upstairs, and it made the feeling so much more intense to imagine getting caught in the midst of something like that. I never did get caught ‘red handed’, but I had a few funny looks. Thinking back on it, they probably suspected what I was doing. Back then, I didn’t think about how flushed my face gets or how out of breath I can get. When I was 17, I had my first ‘public orgasm’. My friend Janine, from school, lived around the corner from us and her family had just put a hot tub in. We used to hang out together, and she invited me over to check it out one Friday night. Her family was friends with my family, so it wasn’t anything special for me to be over there. The hot tub was in the back patio, and we climbed in it and played around, pretending to be rich and famous or whatever. The patio had a big sliding glass door that gave a clear view into the living room and kitchen of the house, and of course gave a clear view from there back. “Where am I?”“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.“There was a… a truck and it was sk**ding…”“Yup,” I said.“I… I died?”“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”“More or less,” I said.“Are you god?” You asked.“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”“My k**s… my wife,” you said.“What about them?”“Will they be all right?”“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your k**s will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly.
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