"Nice hard-on" they said laughing, and added, let's see how it measures up, grabbing a tape measurer. One of them grabbed my cock and held it for the other to measure, but she kept letting it go to make it bob up and down. Hold still, she said in scolding way "or I'll have to put you in that vice!" Then, she grabbed my cock and led me over to the work bench and put my cock in the vice while her friend started closing it on me! Fortunately, they were nice and only squished it a little bit! But while the vice had a good grip on my cock, they decided have a little more fun and got out some lubricant and told me to spread my cheeks or she was going to tighten the vice more! I spread my cheeks wide open for them, they shined the light on my anus and smeared some lube on it, then then started grabbing things like a screwdriver and pushing it in my anus (the soft handle end, not the metal philips end!) My cock had fallen out of the vice's grip but I continued to allow them to have their fun. "I hear that there is an ancient fair held each year in a place called Little Sprodwell. This is a festivity which has roots going far back into the pagan and pre Celtic past of this country where each year is re-enacted an ancient pagan sacrifice of a young maiden as an appeasement of the fertility gods." Bollocks!" said Professor Potts-Johnson in his reedy and querulous tones. "And the full name of that one-horse arse hole of the universe is Little Sprodwell under Fosse - God help us all!" I beg your pardon, Professor, but I have this on the very best authority. The trouble with you locals is you can't see the wood for the trees. You are blind to the treasures to be found in your own back yard." Bollocks, if you will excuse the repetition, Professor! This particular shindig is as phoney and ersatz as it comes. Believe me, I know! The presiding genius is a relative of mine - the black sheep of the family and a total charlatan to boot! But, what the Hell? It'll be a nice day out and a.
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