" Why not? She is going to know anyway when I tell her that you caught us."By then we were in the student parking lot and as soon as I was parked she got out of the car and stormed off. She avoided me all day at school and she wasn't waiting at the car for a ride home when school let out so I accepted that we were done and I wouldn't get the last five months I thought we would have before she went off to Walton. I didn't bother to pick her up for school on Friday and she avoided me at school so I went into the weekend at loose ends.On Saturday Nancy noticed I seemed down and she asked why I wasn't out doing something with Pauline."She broke up with me Thursday." Just a little tiff that you'll get over?" No. It is over and done." Cool. I've got a dozen girlfriends who are interested in seeing just what you have that made Pauline latch onto you." No thanks. I'm not anywhere near ready to start thinking about getting involved with another girl." You had better start thinking about. ..(laughing)...Jesus...I didn't recognize...well, I'll be damned they've finally gone and done it then...well, good for Cyn; she deserves it...by the way, have you seen the first rushes yet?" and so it goes, the small-talk people make, even at funerals, the chitchat they generate clustered around sickbeds, and deathbeds, the pointless albeit essential buzz they doubtless made on the walk back from the crematoriums in the concentration camps, the firing-squads, the death marches, too... Tears have meanwhile dried in my thickly-applied make-up, so thickly-applied, in fact, that it's like a mask of sludge, so thick, to be precise, it's like my face is under an inch of mud; why, I wonder. Why--this heavy-handed, intentionally inexpert job? It's theatrical make-up, that's why, corpse make-up, that's what I suddenly realize, puddinged on the way they prepare the dead, or the slow dancing actress portraying an archetype of death on stage, her face emotionless, unblemished, vacant--serene, by.
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