"As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard. Feeling the drink hit the right spot, I sat back down on my seat and continued to view the TV, finally settling for the porn channel, but was immediately frustrated with the lack of content, as it was meant to entice you to want to see more, and it was doing just that, as I was wanting to relax with a good bit of strong porn.I finished my drink and went back to the fridge and replenished my glass, this time walking back to the chair I stopped in front of the full mirror on the wardrobe, and admired my reflection, 'Not bad', I thought, as I turned left then right, my cheap uniform not really emphasizing my womanly curves, so I put my glass onto the small cabinet and peeled off my skirt and top, 'Now that's more like me', a smile broke out across my face, as I stood in my lacy brassiere, tight thong, and high-top stay up stockings, with just an inch of flesh between them and my crotch.As I admired my own reflection I was feeling horny and frustrated, I was as usual getting turned on by.
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