I surrendered in a way that seems logical by definition in its demand that I no longer refer to myself, or even think of myself as, a person. Since I am now an object, chattel of limited value, an animal, I think of myself as an it a thing to be used, or not, by my owners or their agents. By the end of this sentence, I will no longer refer to myself as an I, instead it will refer to itself as just what it is, a thing, and use the proper words to do so. Ahhh. What a relief. To write of itself as other than an it, is stressful, reminding it of the way it used to think when it was a person, and the nightmarish pain that it now associates with the struggle it put up in fighting its surrender. You see, it's not that it lives without pain--on the contrary, it lives with pain every moment of its life. Just that it understands now that pain, abuse, degradation, humiliation, torture, punishment, service, and solitude are the states of existence that it was meant to experience at all. Knowing what was about to happen; her eyes became saucer size, as the point touched the skin and he hesitated, that increased the anxiety, and she fixed her gaze on his eye as if to say do it or leave me alone. His lips silently said that he loved her then he swung the hammer forcing that big nail through her breast in one stroke, her scream pitiful as Maggs took the hammer and bent the nail as its sister, her sobs loud now, he released the baulk from the jaws and removed the workmate from supporting the wood. The weight hung now stretching her skin and renewing her screams. She heard the door close and she was alone, the two men had gone to have a bite to eat, she having made sandwiches at his request at breakfast time she now knew why, she hoped they would choke on them, and then thought better of it in her position. Her mind a blur of pain now, tears falling from her eyes to the stone floor as she sobbed. 30 minutes later the pair returned Maggs with crop in hand to.
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