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She had told me, in one of her lucid moments, that loosing ones temper is like letting down your shield in mid battle, it would only leave you exposed, defenseless and vulnerable. I decided to heed that advice as being of sound mind. Grandma had been a strong, courageous and smart woman, but, her downfall had always been loving a week, cowardly and stupid man. Mom and Dad had not liked visiting Grandma and Grandpa — I only had one set, since my father apparently had no family — but had still made the trek once a year so they could see their grandchild. Grandma and Grandpa disliked, which is a gentle way of putting it, my father. I realized I was lost in thought and staring out the window, because, when I finally turned to look at Mr. M he was staring at me with a very annoyed expression on his face. I faced him wide eyed, biting my lip, hoping he would not fire me on the spot. I couldn’t slip like that. Bringing up the past just caused trouble and pain. I quickly cast my eyes down. I know you like me, but you need to understand some things about me before you get too close. I don't want you to feel like I led you on, or lied to you. I'm fucked up, Peter. You know the saying, don't stick your dick in crazy? I'm crazy." Look, stop beating yourself up about this. Sure, I like you, but I am not about to try anything right now. You've just been knocked around, for God's sake, Steph." Please let me finish what I want to say. And if you want me to sleep on the couch tonight, that's fine too. You need to know these things even if we are just going to stay friends. Please."Peter leaned over and just took her hand. She looked into his eyes."I like you too, Peter, as far as that goes. My work at the club is a kind of therapy for me. I almost feel like I'm training my body to do what I want, instead of always being at the mercy of what it wants. When I allow someone to control me, they might feel like they are doing something to me, but the whole time I'm training my body.
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