Pounded Hard Again
I oscillate again. I am in a constant dialectic of hating my thoughts and loving them. Pain and pleasure. La douleur exquise. I want more pain, more pleasure. I want to give him every immeasurable psychological inch of me this time, no wavering, no drifting, no volition. The more I give, the less I will be lost. There will be nothing left to adulterate my self-awareness. As for my Master, his responsibility is great, onerous, less enviable. It reassures me but I worry for him because it is I he has taken on. I want to tell him that he needn’t crush or deny me the complexity that is my humanity, as I will shed it in front of him. The ultimate disrobing, the veritable nudity. Anything for that intoxication and sobriety I feel around his domination. My Master is, to my eyes, an eerily beautiful man – the best kind, and the kind that stays with you forever - with the face of a cherubim, a Lucifer. Yet his eyes betray him; his icy gaze is devoid of affected humanity. I didn’t want to. I continued to rub her clit until she finally stopped screaming. When we cleaned ourselves up with her handy wipes and got ourselves together, we finally headed home. My father, as per usual when he’s mad, acted like I didn’t exist and walked right past me. I walked into my room and had to face Lydia for the first time since she set me up. “Hey Eric” She said as if nothing had even happened today. I didn’t say anything to her and I just lied down on my bed. “You know it’s your fault I told you to stop” “Dad hasn’t come in our room in forever, you set me up! Why?” I asked with my back turned to her. “Because I don’t want you to dominate me. I’m the dominant one!” She said matter-of-factly. “What do you mean? You’ve never dominated anyone, you were a virgin until last night” I said quizzically. She had a curious look on her face and I knew now more than ever that she was definitely hiding something, but I decided I would just play along until I found out for sure. “Alright I’m sorry.
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