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Heard what happened to 'pretty-boy' lags like me in jail. I knew I could look after myself if I had to, but if I was ganged up on? Who knew?My first day in there I met a man who was to remain a friend until his death a few years ago. An habitual criminal called Archie 'Rembrandt' Squires. He was just a few years older than me and I was to share a cell with him. I suppose you could say he took me under his wing, explaining all the dos and don't s; who was who in the prison; all that sort of crap.He was, he informed me, the best forger in the country and was only locked up because he'd been grassed up by someone he'd sold a forged work of art to, who had then tried to sell it on at a Sotheby's auction ... Archie was a right laugh. He was relatively small in stature, delicate even, but also one-hundred percent heterosexual. He was just a really smashing bloke who happened to be serving 8 years for making money out of his hobby. He became my best friend when I intervened in an argument. Tuesday.Jim got up early, more refreshed that he'd ever been in years. He caughthimself in the mirror and was pleased with what he saw. It looked likehe'd lost some weight, and his face looked younger and healthier. "Thegym must be paying off," he reasoned, forgetting he hadn't even gone tothe gym in a week.After a quick toast and tea for breakfast (why spoil the weight losswith his usual donut?) showered, then moved to the sink for a quickshave. He quickly finished his face, which had hardly any stubble today,and suddenly realized his legs looked awful. He'd always had a fairamount of hair on them, which he now felt was completely unsexy. 'Can't go in like this,' he thought. He knew a lotta guys shaved theirlegs - bicyclists for instance. So why couldn't he? It took maybe halfand hour, but soon his legs were hairless and smooth. He liked the silkylook and feel. Now late for work, he rushed out the door. After adjusting the seat inthe car and checking himself in the mirror, he drove.
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