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Everything is pink, frilly, and girlie. I felt uncomfortable the first few times I stayed there. Now it seems perfectly natural. I am so grateful to stay at her house that I don't dare say a word about how she goes out at night. She doesn't tell me where she's going or when she will be back. I feel terribly lonely and sad. I am certain she must be seeing someone. But how can I blame her? After all, I'd had an affair. Still, I wish what she was doing to me was enough to repay her. At first the thought of her in the arms of another man was unbearable. Now, like nearly everything else, I've come to accept it. Maybe it is the hormones-or maybe it is just having been with so many men myself lately. But it almost seems natural that she should be seeing other men. While she's gone, I read the tg-stories she's pulled down off the internet or watch the she-male tapes she has bought me from a mail-order catalogue. Sometimes I play with myself while I watch the movies or read the . Sure, Jill and I talked about things and things were definitely moving in a positive direction, but more often than I care to admit, my mind kept going back to that terrible night. That terrible night when I thought I’d lost Jill to Chris. When I thought she was leaving me to make a new life together with him in California.Sure, Jill was back with me. Professing her love for me, how sorry and ashamed she was that even just for a moment she’d said yes to Chris’s request that she leave me for him. The fact that she was in Florida with me rather in California with Chris was the strongest reassurance I could get. But still, my mind kept going back to that terrible Friday night – Friday, May 4, 2018.And while I had the opportunity whenever I needed to pick things up and talk them through with Jill, the itch that just wouldn’t be scratched was Chris’s whole part in this. The way that someone who I’d taken to be a friend had abused my friendship and the relationship I’d allowed him with.
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