Pretty Little Suck Machine

I cursed under my breath asking myself why didn’t I just keep walking without her. She finally caught up and was shortly out of breath, “Why didn’t you wait for me?” I smiled and shrugged, “I figured one of your new friends would offer you a ride home.” She laughed as we began to walk, “Please…those guys just want to get in my pants.” I looked at her as we walked to our respective houses, “What about your female friends?” Once again I watched as she laughed, “Please they don’t drive yet. They either walk home like us, take the bus, or get rides from their parents. Besides I actually like walking with my best friend.” With that comment she wrapped her arm around mine and leaned on me as we continued to walk. I scoffed, “Glad to know I’m still your friend.” She slapped my arm, “Why are you being so much of a dickhead?” I laughed at her comment, “Now, you know I’m not a dickhead.” She quickly retorted, “But you’re acting like one.” I frowned at her, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was acting. I had a thought of taking it to Cathy when we went home,but instead I went to my home theater and kind of zoned out. When itwas time for bed, I kissed Cathy on the cheek and rolled over.The next time I saw Jake was in mid September. I was coming out ofthe mall, having bought some attachments for my home gym and Jake wascoming out. He wore a knee-length denim skirt and pink knit top, andhad immense boobs. He told me they were just breast forms. I almostdidn't recognize him. His lips were plump and his nose was pert. Onlyhis eyes gave him away. For some reason, it seemed right to me. Andgiven my newfound respect for women, I was courteous and we talkedfor an hour. It turned out we both wanted kids, and our wivesresisted the idea. He told me then about Mandy's and Cathy's plan forthe Halloween party -- he was going to go as my wife, and Cathy wasgoing to go as Mandy's wife -- to shock our church members. I didlike Jake, of course, but I couldn't imagine myself embarrassingmyself like.
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