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Carstairs? You know, I seem to remember hearing they were looking for you. I saw some very funny pictures on Facebook.”“Yeah, it’s ah ... just a few people having fun, I hear.”Up to that point, my main worry had been British expats. I may have done that big Hollywood movie, but even so I’m a virtual unknown outside the UK. There are thousands, no tens of thousands of celebrities out there, many of them tweeting and doing whatnot to get attention. I don’t take part in that nonsense, and so I dropped back into obscurity quite fast. Keller & Fox monitors this for many of their assets. I’m basically known in the UK and Germany, and that’s it. The Dutch are vaguely aware of me, but they seem to think I’m a minor character on Downton Abbey or something like that. You know Rutger Hauer is Dutch, right? We don’t give a shit about him, or about Carel Struycken (Mr. Lurch), Thekla Reuten (Highlander, The American) or Michiel Huisman (Game of Thrones). Unlike Canadians, who go fucking APESHIT. Three years later and I’m walking back to the apartment I share with Bex in tears. We had moved in together a year ago and had been living happily ever after ever since, despite the fact that she hated my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend now. I’d just found Carl in the arms of another guy. I’d gone to his apartment unannounced, hoping to surprise him with a very expensive bottle of Sancerre. ‘Heh, you certainly did that Chris’ I had to smile at the thought of the look on his face as the bottle of wine smashed on the wall behind him. I stormed out of his apartment in tears. ‘Your home earl…..Oh Chris, baby, what happened’ Becki looked up at me from the sofa where she had been lying in her bathrobe drinking a glass of wine. ‘He’s cheating on me, he’s fucking cheating on me!’ I sobbed. ‘Oh baby tell me what happened.’ she said, pulling me into her arms and cradling me as I sobbed. ‘I went over to his place and he had his fucking tongue down some other guys throat’ I said, my sorrow now.
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