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But once I put my heart into a woman, I’m in it all the way – kindness, romance, and most of all, respect for the woman I’m with. Looking back to the first day I met Andrea, I wanted all of that, but I purposely put all of that out of my head because I was afraid of getting hurt. Ironically, I’m pretty sure that I wound up hurting her. In the end, I got lucky. As for my time with men, it’s not about attraction, it’s about getting off. It’s not a gay thing or a bi thing. Most of the men I’ve been with are as straight as a Summer Solstice day in Fairbanks, Alaska, but the pickings are much easier at a gay bar. There’s none of the game playing that there is with women and there are no expectations. It’s just an over and done thing without the drama. But how do I explain this to Andrea? Or don’t I? For as open-minded as she was, chances are that she wouldn’t be so open to it in her life. Last night was one thing with the fondling, but until then even just playing with another couple was. So each November, we assembled for Thanksgiving dinner at one of our homes for turkey and pumpkin pie. The six adults sat at one table. The three of us kids sat at another. It's easy to understand why I felt out of place.After dinner, the girls played with their dolls and giggled. I mostly stayed to myself with my Galaxy tablet playing video games or took refuge in the TV room to watch football along with dad and my uncles. In a word, it was boring.In time, things began to change. I got taller; my voice couldn't decide if it was a soprano or a baritone; peach fuzz had turned to an acceptable beard; and the girls looked, well, more captivating.On a warm Memorial Day, our families gathered at Cicely's home for a cookout. Mila had just turned seventeen. Cicely was the taller of the two, but younger by several months. I was nearing the end of my sophomore year in high school. By that time, things had become decidedly more interesting. The girls no longer played with dolls, but still.
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