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"Lay back and let me fuck you!" he growled."So, be a man. Rape me." I blurted it out, just like that, not knowing where the thought came from.He turned his head back to me, his face now a concerned question-mark. He probably thought he misheard me.I was in some kind of over-honest state - probably brought on by complete brain drain. I made it easy for him."I'm not going to stop loving you if you force yourself on me every once in a while." If I had thought about what I was saying, I would have run screaming from the room to stick my head under a cold shower, but the judgement centers in my brain were completely out to lunch.He was angry enough - frustrated enough - aroused enough - to not need any further encouragement. He turned toward me. His right hand shoved my left breast, knocking me back. At the same time, he rolled over-top of me, this time moving to his knees, ending up straddling my hips.He grabbed my wrists. I fought back, trying to shove him off of me. This time, I didn't. To be honest, I don’t think he actually meant to break it off. They’d been going out for almost a year by then. But she called his bluff and I suspect his pride was wounded so he took her home. At least he didn’t leave her on the side of the road.She was pretty broken up about it. Mom commiserated with her but said, “It’s probably for the best sweetheart.” Dad said, “Good. I didn’t like him anyway.”She came to my room to find a shoulder to cry on.We ended up on the bed just hugging while she cried. It never occurred to me to do anything other than hold her, but that was the first time I had a face full of that long golden hair that smelled so good. I thought about how Steve had no doubt gotten to sniff that lovely hair a lot. But no longer. He was a loser. I had her now.That’s an example of how we can talk ourselves into something completely unrealistic. I didn’t “have” Hannah, certainly not like Steve had her, but she felt so good in my arms and smelled so good and my heart was.
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