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First, shooting ran from 4:00 to 11:00 on weekdays and 9:00 to 9:00 on weekends, which meant that I barely had time to finish my homework, let alone maintain any sort of social life. Second, the producers had insisted that I date my costar, Tiffany Norman. While a nice girl, and very attractive to those who are into girls, she was not the most intelligent person in the world, and didn't realize that I wasn't actually attracted to her. I was worried that pointing this out would precipitate a public breakup, so I just played along.We had been set up on a dinner date. I was paying, so I just ordered salad. Tiffany had couldn't decide between smoked monkfish and roasted duck breast. Finally, she decided on the fish, which was at least the cheaper of the two. We made awkward small talk for a while, until she finally brought up the subject I'd been hoping to avoid."So I was thinking maybe we could hang out at your house after this."I figured the best strategy was to play dumb. "What do you. . you know what?”“Well first of all, you must begin referring to your body parts as I’ve asked. You have teats on your udders, for they most certainly are udders, you have a cunt and an asshole. Your mouth is a drain, because that’s where cum and piss go. Down your drain. When we get home, please remind me to write these things down so you can remember to use the terminology you must always use as a whore. As far as the wedding ring goes, I want the ceremony to include affixing the ring to your right nipple. I guess I’ll have to talk with your pastor about it.”Mrs. Waxerman visibly paled at the thought of pastor Daniels even laying eyes on her nipple, much less seeing it pierced and ringed. There was an abundance of silence as Doctor Hooker drove. Mrs. Waxerman spent the time coming to terms with what her fiancée wanted, and the realization that not only did she want it because he did, but because it felt right. Not that anything she’d done or would do in the future, such as baring.
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