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But he didn't ask me to stop." Howard, who had occupied the other bed in the room, had been discharged. Now Scott lay in that bed, his butt on top of a donut cushion. He was not conscious at the moment."Not to worry, honey," my father reassured me. "You were tight the first time, weren't you?" Yes, I sure was, Daddy. And you did tell me to fuck him." That I did, honey. He'll live."Jasmine had brought some food to the hospital. Somehow we had not gotten around to finishing Thanksgiving dinner. We ate and chatted. My father was so happy to have some real food after having been force-fed fake turkey, so he said.Scott began to regain consciousness. He stared at the three of us and his expression changed several times as he became alert."Would you like a muffin?" I asked him."Would you like a muffing?" he asked me."He's slurring his words," I commented knowingly to Jasmine and my father. "The medication." I'm not slurring my words!" he insisted. "I asked you if you wanted a muffing.. As for me, if I want your body, Ill just take what I want when you least expect it. Its easier that way. Less stress in the long run. But go ahead and do things your way. She gave me a sickening smile. The games had begun. After witnessing my lack of cooperation with mom, Zack and Cassie left the kitchen and went to watch television in the living room, probably fighting over the remote as usual, leaving me to face moms scorn alone. So whats your decision Lizzy? You wanna do this my way or the hard way? I hated those words. Every time she said that, what it really meant was give me what I want, or Ill make you wish you had. This time, instead of images of a belt drawing blood across my skin, her words conjured images of me screaming and flailing on the living room floor, invisible hands holding me down, the heat of other bodies scalding me in the darkness, forcing me to feel a pleasure I was ashamed to feel. If sex is pleasure and abuse is pain, then rape is a turmoil that makes me.
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