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I finally started smoking. It started with taking an occasional drag off Sophie's cigarettes and finally started smoking a whole cigarette on my own. Initially, I was just kind of feeding a habit until I smoked a Benson & Hedges Menthol. I loved the effects of the menthol seemed to add to the arousal of cross dressing. In hindsight, watching women smoke has been a fascination for me. My own smoking is kind of tied into my female identity. It's kind of hard to explain. Breakfast was a ritual with mom and I, due to not seeing much of each other during the week.About a month earlier, I finally admitted to her that I started smoking and I wanted her blessing to smoke freely without having to sneak around. She really couldn't lecture me because she started when she was 12. We were always fairly honest with each other. That being said, I wasn't sure how I was going to tell her I was a cross dresser. Having coffee and cigarettes had become morning ritual. My 16th birthday was coming up. At. ’ I nudged her, ‘Do you think he might fall a little bit in love with me, you know, like Mike with you?’ Then, ‘Oh Jo, you wouldn’t be jealous would you, if he did?’ She smiled and hugged me, ‘No, I wouldn’t be jealous darling, how could I. I know he loves me like Mike loves you so I know there’s room for you. I suspect he’s already a little bit in love with you anyway. He’s probably dreamt of you for ages.’ ‘I like that,’ I said. Well, I like to be loved and it would be easy to fall in love with him, just a little bit, because he was like a young version of Mike. Jo was much happier now, she seemed to have shaken of her fear of that question but then, ‘It’s time to go down Jo. Come on, let’s get dressed.’ ‘Oh Lena, I’m scared. What if Mike hasn’t . . .’ ‘I’ll go down first. Mike will be able to tell me straight away and I’ll call to you. If it’s bad and he hasn’t been able to persuade Guy it’s probably better if he comes upstairs and sees you isn’t it.’ I hugged her tight, ‘Jo, Jo,.
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