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That’s my Scotland. I love it so much it hurts.’ I nodded. ‘The beautiful wasteland, and the black tide.’ ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, Mark,’ said Tony, ‘not you as well. I can’t bear all that schmaltzy Caledonian sentimentality. Scotland’s dead. It’s a backwater. And as long as you lot keep looking over your shoulders at some hazy romanticised Brigadoon past that was never real anyway, you never will amount to a hill of beans. Independent? This godforsaken place? Don’t make me laugh. Your precious parliament couldn’t manage a piss up in their own bloody building.’ Catriona’s eyes met mine, fierce and angry and hurt. ‘There’s nae gods,’ I said, ‘and there’s precious few heroes.’ Catriona softened a touch, catching the reference with just a ghost of a grin. ‘Look, could we just put politics off the agenda for the evening? Cecilia, what do you do?’ ‘I’m a singer,’ Cecilia said, confidently. South-east England, with just a hint of Carribean. ‘I’ve got my own recording contract coming. The next day, it hits you. What you need is a woman with no emotional strings attached - someone who'll tell you if you bring them to orgasm or not because they don't care either way. You wrack your brains trying to think of women who might be willing to help you in you plight, but only three ideas strike your brain, and none of them will be easy to convince.You could try a hooker - and pay her for each orgasm she has with you, even more if she can fake on you and get away with it. The problem will be providing some incentive for her to accept the deal in the first place - no hooker in her right mind would take up an offer like that easily.Another option would be your secretary, Janet. You've thought for a while now that she might be interested in you, and if you could convince her that her only chance with you is to help you with this - as boss and staff only (at least for now) - you may be in with a chance. Some extra dollars under the table might help to sway her decision too. Of.
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