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..a part of me does,” she says. “But with a hypothetical person on a first date. I don’t feel that at all with you. But I wonder, perhaps, if those should still be treated the same.”“I think that’s a good question,” I say. “I also don’t think I should answer that for you.”There’s a clock in the common room and I hear it now. Amelia raises her head, grabs my shirt collar, and pulls me close. “Stay the night with me, Tom. If you want, that is. I can only tell you how I feel about it.”“I want to,” I say. In the darkness and cool hues of the hallway, there are flashes of moonlight that illuminate her fire. We’re in the bedroom now. The blanket is tucked in perfectly into the bed. The pillows are sitting up like they do in those magazine shoots. There’s a bedside table with a lamp on it, nothing else. A desk with a laptop and a writing pad, nothing else. The closet is closed. Nothing on the floor. No stacks or piles of anything. A neatly organized bookshelf to the left of the closet.. . and you’re not totally black.“Your father ... he was another minister, a married man, too, whom I had a brief fling with in a moment of ... lust. Your dad was nice enough to pass you off as adopted and raise you as his own, and forgive me to an extent, but our marriage ... it was never quite the same. He was also so insecure and so ... jealous after that. It didn’t help that in his rage, he slipped and hit on his secretary, who quit and threatened to sue the church. This deepened the pain between us. We fought a lot after that for a bit, but then we cooled off and mellowed out. We just never were the same and my leaving him now probably compounds the sense of betrayal.“What made this worse was that your dad became paranoid. If I declined him, he put it down to him being ugly and me being into another man. So, I ... stopped declining him at all, even when it was perilously close to marital rape at times. Not quite, but close at times. I stopped suggesting ways to make it more.
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