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I felt myself blush as he held out a hand to help me up, although I was hoping it was hardly obvious from my already flushed face. I took his arm eagerly and sought a liking to the feel of his muscled arms when he lifted me up from the matt. ‘Thanks.’ I could only smile silly in front of him, ‘That was one helluva work-out.’ I noticed then Josh was looking intently, as though contemplating on me. Feeling another blush creeping up my cheeks, I nudged him playfully. ‘You seem more intense lately,’ Josh noted in a sudden serious tone, still looking at me, ‘You okay Erika?’ He sounded so concerned that I just couldn’t help giggling. I realized I’ve been venting out my frustrations with Bryce on sport climbing, no doubt about it. Probably that was the release I needed after all. No worrying about having to fantasize about him afterwards now is there? I was almost beside myself with relief. ‘Erika?’ Josh seemed confused at the weird look I probably had. So I chuckled softly again and. I didn't think it was right to hitor fight girls. I read a lot, was shy around new people. Just an ordinary,though unusually quiet and intelligent, boy. I've had normal girlfriend/boyfriendrelationships in my life. But when I was about ten, I began to realize thatsomething was different about me. Something that absolutely must be kept secret.One day, I ran across the word ?sadism? by accident in the city library. Sadism.That must have something to do with being sad, because ?sad? is in it, right?I went and looked it up. The definition leered back at me, and I quickly turnedthe page to the beginning of the ?G? section so people wouldn't know what Ihad been looking at. I felt a little sick. Was that what all those dreams meant?I started to feel really sick, but I also started to feel . . . something else.Something within me felt like it wanted to get out. When I was in kindergarten, our class had an incubator with chicken eggs init. One day, during recess, I decided to stay in and.
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