I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but I will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know, and their children, and theirs, and so many that I cannot think it, all dead, so long ago.What happens to M’kamba when I am no longer there, when I am vanished and do not return from hunt? Is it only my fantasy, my wish, that Siefert takes her as his woman and she accepts him for her. She screams out, “Nothing but you.” That phrase sends me into a trance that drives me crazy. It gives me the energy to antagonize her body even more. I run my hands through her hair and begin to lightly tickle her while kissing her stomach. Madi suddenly screams out, “Lee, I’m low.” I immediately stop kissing her, pick her up and carry her to the nearest testing station. Long story short, if a person’s blood sugar is low, they cannot do anything, they are basically useless and the pleasure receptors do not work, which means the person will no longer will be in the mood for sex. The nearest testing station is right next to the camp’s radio station, KXEC. As I am carrying Madi to the lodge, all the feelings I have ever had for Madi are becoming stronger by the second. It is like we are cuddling which is turning me on as well as her. I lay her on the table and she checks her blood sugar. Five minutes later, she feels better. She seductively says,“Lee, nothing still does not matter.”.
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