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So I called her mother."Amanda? Is that you? It's Bob Crandall. Yeah. Sorry to call so late. Is Patti there?"She was there. Amanda went to fetch her, and Patti must have been asleep, or highly reluctant, or maybe down the block having a beer, because I waited for a long, long time.I could hear a fairly harsh exchange of comments going on between mother and daughter, well away from the phone. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but it sounded as if Amanda was insisting that Patti take my call."Hello?" Patti." Hello, Bob." What happened to 'Bobby'?" I asked.She ignored my question. "I'm staying with my folks for a few days," she said."What about work?" I said."They've got somebody to stand in for me. The kids are all right." Wasn't that an album?" What?" 'The Kids are Alright' -- wasn't that a record album-- way back?" I don't know." By The Who." Who?" The Who! It's an old band. Ask your Dad." OK." She sounded listless."Patti." Yeah?" You know my penis?" What?" My penis... Is. As I left school for home, I was accompanied by Michelle Conway and a repulsive girl called Rachel Fox from the year below us, both of whom caught the same bus as me. A gap in the perimeter fence to the rear of the school grounds provided a perfect shortcut to the bus stop and as we made our way in that direction, our route took us past the outdoor swimming pool. Perhaps I thought I was impressing Michelle, after all she was still number two on my wanking list, or maybe I genuinely felt the need to cool down, I’m not sure which, but I decided to jump into the shallow end of the pool fully clothed and briefly submerge myself.As my head rose from beneath the water, I wiped the water from my eyes and as my vision slowly cleared, to my horror saw Miss Bush standing at the poolside with Michelle and Rachel now nowhere to be seen. “TOBIAS JAMES, get out of the pool and go to my study now,” shrieked Miss Bush. I quickly climbed up the ladder and out of the pool, the weight of my sopping.
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